My oldest went to visit his dad and was gone for two weeks. That may be what started the ball rolling. I was much more emotional than I expected to be about the visit after so many years of them not spending time together. I fully expected MJ to have a perfectly wonderful time in comparison to the dreary life that we live here. That's pretty much what happened and he came home talking about moving there. But that's another story . . .
Anyway, while he was visiting he told me about the bar-b-que with all the Pohnpeians there and the foods they were getting, which were some of my favorites from Pohnpei. I found myself being jealous. Jealous of MJ for getting to experience those things, jealous of his dad for providing such a good time with none of the responsibilities a parent has, and I believe there was some longing thrown in about what used to be. I had a talk with Hubby about the islands, it wasn't such a pleasant talk, but it made me realize I really need to put the past in the past. So often we embellish things in our memory and when we go back to see those places we dream of, they aren't really all that.
So there was all the feelings about the places I used to live and thoughts about the life I used to have and I wondered why I feel the way I do about the ex. A lot of it is that he was supposed to be my partner in raising children. Even if we weren't married. Now he's off living the lifestyle that I wanted to live and not helping me at all. He's got the good stuff. I went through the difficulties of getting the kids to this point and now when one is turning out pretty well, he's the one who gets to enjoy it. Okay, I know, it sounds petty and just very unlike me, but there it is.
And then there's Facebook. It has dredged up memories and made me think about people I haven't seen or heard from in 8 years or 20 years or more. I've thought about some of the relationships which have been damaged or lost. You think you're over something and then realize there's still some grief there.
I've decided somehow I need to come to peace with my past. I probably can't do it all at once, but somehow I need to start the process. I used Facebook to attempt to get in touch with one who I had a broken relationship with. Still haven't heard on that. I'm considering writing a letter to the ex, but don't know if it's the kind of letter I should actually send. I'm also reading my Bible and remembering that God forgave me (note past tense) for my failures and He has forgotten. I need to soak that in and not keep making myself feel guilty. Any other suggestions?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Household blessings
The past month has been pretty expensive. I broke a tooth and had to get a crown - $700. MJ's graduation and party. Vacation. Hubby's birthday. Those are the major things. Then summer is also a time to spend money with the kids having more free time and doing special things like swim lessons. We've also been in the house for a year now and there are several things that haven't been done yet or plans we had that I'm anxious to start working on. Of course all those things take money. We wanted to fix up our yard and do a little landscaping, still want to replace some carpet in the spare room and on the stairs, and we hope to remodel the kitchen. It's a matter of priorities and one thing I've been thinking about recently is our washing machine. About 6 months ago the washer, bought second hand, sprung a leak and flooded the basement. We had it fixed, but in the past couple months it's started leaking again so I'm just waiting for it to completely break again. I've been feeling a little concerned about all this combined, not because we don't have any or enough money, but I hate watching the savings that we've tried to build up, deplete so quickly. I trust God will always provide for us, but there's always the question of how He will do it.
Friday Hubby got the first paycheck with his raise on it! It is a $2 per hour raise so that's pretty good. He's still not quite up to where he used to be salary-wise, but he's so much happier with his job now and the raise helps us. Last week we also found out that someone from church who Hubby has been working for, is re-doing her kitchen and getting new appliances so wants to get rid of her current dishwasher. She will give it to us if we just haul it away for her! Our current dishwasher still works, but the knob is broken and we've thought we need a new one. The one we're being given also just happens to match the other appliances in our kitchen. Today my sister called me and explained their dryer isn't working as well as they like, it takes a long time to dry things, so they are getting a new washer dryer set and want to get rid of the old set. There is nothing wrong with the washer at all and Hubby thinks he may be able to fix up the dryer. Of course the washer is what we needed anyway. All of this in a week. Coincidence? I think not!
Yesterday we were straightening up the spare room to prepare for my younger step son to come tomorrow. It was discovered the dogs have been peeing in the room, probably due to an accident from a dog we were dog-sitting. Anyway, Hubby threw out the carpet section that was just laying on the pad, then tore up the pad. We worked on the room today and put a carpet we had somewhere else in the room and did a bunch of rearranging. It looks nice now, doesn't smell, and I'm happy with how it all turned out.
Overall, some really good things happened this weekend and I feel ready to start the new week.
Friday Hubby got the first paycheck with his raise on it! It is a $2 per hour raise so that's pretty good. He's still not quite up to where he used to be salary-wise, but he's so much happier with his job now and the raise helps us. Last week we also found out that someone from church who Hubby has been working for, is re-doing her kitchen and getting new appliances so wants to get rid of her current dishwasher. She will give it to us if we just haul it away for her! Our current dishwasher still works, but the knob is broken and we've thought we need a new one. The one we're being given also just happens to match the other appliances in our kitchen. Today my sister called me and explained their dryer isn't working as well as they like, it takes a long time to dry things, so they are getting a new washer dryer set and want to get rid of the old set. There is nothing wrong with the washer at all and Hubby thinks he may be able to fix up the dryer. Of course the washer is what we needed anyway. All of this in a week. Coincidence? I think not!
Yesterday we were straightening up the spare room to prepare for my younger step son to come tomorrow. It was discovered the dogs have been peeing in the room, probably due to an accident from a dog we were dog-sitting. Anyway, Hubby threw out the carpet section that was just laying on the pad, then tore up the pad. We worked on the room today and put a carpet we had somewhere else in the room and did a bunch of rearranging. It looks nice now, doesn't smell, and I'm happy with how it all turned out.
Overall, some really good things happened this weekend and I feel ready to start the new week.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Family Time
I have not taken the time to write for a long time and actually I'm not going to take a long time now. Two recent events are prominent in my mind and both would take pages to adequately describe.
First, on Memorial Day weekend we took a family vacation to South Dakota. It was awesome! It was beautiful, fun, relaxing, and we enjoyed getting away and being in each others' company. All of us enjoyed it. We stayed in Hot Springs where we went to a water park, visited a mammoth site, and played mini golf. We also drove to Custer State Park and Mount Rushmore. I don't know that it could have been much better!
This past weekend was graduation. I'm not sure I could find words to describe how I feel. It's been a mixture of pride, fear, relief, and sadness. We want our children to grow up, but then there's sadness when they do. MJ will not be moving away and will go to LCCC here for a while so that should lessen my sadness right? The day went very smoothly and we had a party after for MJ and his friend. It was a good day, but I think I'm still recovering from it all.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Love sick
For those who hate sappy stuff, I think you should stop reading now. But I do want to ask, why do people hate sappy, lovey-dovey expressions so much? I've had an issue with this since Hubby and I first got together. We are very affectionate toward each other. No matter where we are we don't hide it. I so often feel people are rolling their eyes at us and the comments from the children are endless. I do have to say we delight in grossing them out and sometimes pretend we're making out or something just to get a reaction! But why is it a bad thing to be in love and let people know it?
Yesterday was our second anniversary! I have to say I am so glad I listened to God and not the people who told me I was crazy. We have such a good relationship. I start thinking we're out of the honeymoon phase and then Hubby does something wonderful and I'm all twitterpated again. I wish everyone could experience what I have. I wish for you the feeling of love, peace, and joy. It doesn't mean there's never an issue or never any hurts or anger. Those things remind me we are still human and this isn't a dream. It makes it real when we can work through such things. I've recently began wondering if it has anything to do with previous failed marriages. I do think it makes me more attentive and determined to work things out.
So we had plans for the weekend. Kids were going to stay with grandparents and friends for Friday and Saturday nights. We were going to stay home and just enjoy time together. Well, we did that, but Hubby was sick. He woke up throwing up on Friday and that continued through the day. Saturday he was a little better, but still not up to par. We did go to Poor Richards for dinner Sat. night. The food was good, but that's about all the nice things I can say about it. In some regards the weekend was disappointing - it wasn't at all what I had expected. BUT we still had fun. We completely enjoyed just being together and we managed to have some fun too. (Only a deathbed would really stop us from all physical affection.) My hubby learned what was supposed to be given for each anniversary, and since the second is cotton (who thought that up?) he gave me new, nice cotton sheets. Without knowing the whole cotton thing, I got him clothes that were at least partly cotton. :) Yesterday he also sent me flowers at work.
Are you sick yet? The only sickness I want for my friends is love-sickness. Can you imagine the changes in the world if everyone was able to have the kind of relationship we have? Think about that and go kiss your spouse if you have one! For those who don't have a spouse - I'm praying for you.
Yesterday was our second anniversary! I have to say I am so glad I listened to God and not the people who told me I was crazy. We have such a good relationship. I start thinking we're out of the honeymoon phase and then Hubby does something wonderful and I'm all twitterpated again. I wish everyone could experience what I have. I wish for you the feeling of love, peace, and joy. It doesn't mean there's never an issue or never any hurts or anger. Those things remind me we are still human and this isn't a dream. It makes it real when we can work through such things. I've recently began wondering if it has anything to do with previous failed marriages. I do think it makes me more attentive and determined to work things out.
So we had plans for the weekend. Kids were going to stay with grandparents and friends for Friday and Saturday nights. We were going to stay home and just enjoy time together. Well, we did that, but Hubby was sick. He woke up throwing up on Friday and that continued through the day. Saturday he was a little better, but still not up to par. We did go to Poor Richards for dinner Sat. night. The food was good, but that's about all the nice things I can say about it. In some regards the weekend was disappointing - it wasn't at all what I had expected. BUT we still had fun. We completely enjoyed just being together and we managed to have some fun too. (Only a deathbed would really stop us from all physical affection.) My hubby learned what was supposed to be given for each anniversary, and since the second is cotton (who thought that up?) he gave me new, nice cotton sheets. Without knowing the whole cotton thing, I got him clothes that were at least partly cotton. :) Yesterday he also sent me flowers at work.
Are you sick yet? The only sickness I want for my friends is love-sickness. Can you imagine the changes in the world if everyone was able to have the kind of relationship we have? Think about that and go kiss your spouse if you have one! For those who don't have a spouse - I'm praying for you.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Searching for Excellence
I've been a little introspective (how do you like that word?) lately. For one, I've realized I like and want to be important. Doesn't everyone? I don't need to be the center of attention, but I want to be needed and be important. Maybe that ties to my other considerations about myself.
I've known for a very long time that I have high standards for myself. People have called me a perfectionist. I've worked hard over the years to keep my standards for myself more than placing them on others, but I can't say I've lowered the standards for myself. It is important to me to do well at everything I do. But lately I've just been trying to find one thing I do well. I feel like I'm working so hard in so many areas and coming up short in most of them.
Parenting is one area. I know, parents of teenagers can't expect to feel they are doing a good job. Later in life I and my children will see how hard I worked, what a good job I did, blah blah blah. I don't mean to downplay that, I'm just looking for something to keep me going now. I have teenagers, sure, but I also have an 8 year old, shouldn't I be feeling a little good about my parenting?
My work is the other area. I try so hard to be excellent in what I do. I feel like my job calls for that and it fits right in with my perfectionism. Only then I am called "critical." There is also a fairly new employee who has been given more responsibility quicker than I was as a new employee with the same or less training and background experience than what I had. So now I find myself being petty. Then I'm mad at myself for being petty. I know I can't be excellent and petty at the same time.
Again, my hubby (God bless that man!), had something to say. He told me I'm an excellent wife. He is good about making me feel appreciated. It did make me feel better to hear that, but (oh, I hate adding buts), as a wife I don't think I've tried all that hard to be excellent. I do what comes naturally. So can I claim excellence in an area I haven't tried to be excellent in?
Maybe I should just stop trying so hard in the other areas, do what comes naturally, and the excellence would follow? I guess my thought is that I cannot be naturally excellent. As a matter of fact, I know I am not naturally excellent. I know that my efforts will always come up short. It is only God in me that is excellent. Maybe since my marriage is so centered on God, that's what makes it natural and easy to be excellent. So if that is true, everything should be focused on God and then HIS excellence will show through in what I do.
I've known for a very long time that I have high standards for myself. People have called me a perfectionist. I've worked hard over the years to keep my standards for myself more than placing them on others, but I can't say I've lowered the standards for myself. It is important to me to do well at everything I do. But lately I've just been trying to find one thing I do well. I feel like I'm working so hard in so many areas and coming up short in most of them.
Parenting is one area. I know, parents of teenagers can't expect to feel they are doing a good job. Later in life I and my children will see how hard I worked, what a good job I did, blah blah blah. I don't mean to downplay that, I'm just looking for something to keep me going now. I have teenagers, sure, but I also have an 8 year old, shouldn't I be feeling a little good about my parenting?
My work is the other area. I try so hard to be excellent in what I do. I feel like my job calls for that and it fits right in with my perfectionism. Only then I am called "critical." There is also a fairly new employee who has been given more responsibility quicker than I was as a new employee with the same or less training and background experience than what I had. So now I find myself being petty. Then I'm mad at myself for being petty. I know I can't be excellent and petty at the same time.
Again, my hubby (God bless that man!), had something to say. He told me I'm an excellent wife. He is good about making me feel appreciated. It did make me feel better to hear that, but (oh, I hate adding buts), as a wife I don't think I've tried all that hard to be excellent. I do what comes naturally. So can I claim excellence in an area I haven't tried to be excellent in?
Maybe I should just stop trying so hard in the other areas, do what comes naturally, and the excellence would follow? I guess my thought is that I cannot be naturally excellent. As a matter of fact, I know I am not naturally excellent. I know that my efforts will always come up short. It is only God in me that is excellent. Maybe since my marriage is so centered on God, that's what makes it natural and easy to be excellent. So if that is true, everything should be focused on God and then HIS excellence will show through in what I do.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Feeling full
Since the last time I posted anything on my blog, it seems our lives have been quite full. Perhaps it is appropriate for the month of love that I've been quite focused on relationships.
Starting with family - JJ turned 15 - uugh! Now he has his driver's permit and I admit, I do not like teaching anyone to drive. This experience is only slightly better than potty training and weaning. We didn't do a huge celebration for his birthday because that day started the performances of the play both boys were part of. The play ran 3 nights, we went to see it the second night. The actors all did a great job and it was enjoyable, but I am so glad it's over! It's nice to have some time with my children again. The last night of the play was an ugly night though. I could give gory details to anyone who wants to call me, but I'll just say both boys got in big trouble and none of us got much sleep that night. Now we really get to spend more time together because both boys are grounded!
My ex-brother-in-law and his wife, who I actually consider my sister and brother, and their 5 kids came from the mountains of CO to see the play the boys were in. Then we were all invited to the ex-in-law's house for dinner. There have been some issues with the family lately, but really, it says a lot that we (including hubby) were welcome in their home. I thank God that despite stress and strains, we are still able to get along. I still have a great relationship with my brother and sister and we all enjoyed some great music as sis is a wonderful and unique musician.
Hubby and I have been developing some new relationships recently mostly through the churches we have been attending. We have started attending a small group for couples too and watched the movie "Fireproof." If you haven't seen that, you need to especially if you are married! We are enjoying all this.
Most of you have probably seen that I have become team captain for my office's Relay for Life team. I have also been trying to work more on my Avon business too. Guess what both of these things revolve around? While the obvious answer seems to be money, it really involves relationships. The relationships I have or have had with those who have been diagnosed with cancer is what really causes me to be involved in Relay to begin with. It's why I do it. Avon is similar. The cause may not be as noble, but I like the relationships I make with my customers and my downline.
Friday night I went to a friend's 40th birthday party with another friend. We discussed the people who were there and what kind of people would be at such a party we might have (this in NO WAY indicates I would like to have a 40th party later this year!). I think both of us felt we really do have a nice assortment of friends.
As you can see, my time has been quite full with all of this recently. Saturday, I actually had time to slow down and be lazy. I didn't leave my house all day. Yesterday we had a great day at church and in the evening my parents came over for dinner. So the weekend was relaxing and comfy and refreshing. As a result, today I feel full in a different way. I feel full of blessings. Looking back at all these relationships, I feel loved and am so thankful to God for all those I have relationships with.
Starting with family - JJ turned 15 - uugh! Now he has his driver's permit and I admit, I do not like teaching anyone to drive. This experience is only slightly better than potty training and weaning. We didn't do a huge celebration for his birthday because that day started the performances of the play both boys were part of. The play ran 3 nights, we went to see it the second night. The actors all did a great job and it was enjoyable, but I am so glad it's over! It's nice to have some time with my children again. The last night of the play was an ugly night though. I could give gory details to anyone who wants to call me, but I'll just say both boys got in big trouble and none of us got much sleep that night. Now we really get to spend more time together because both boys are grounded!
My ex-brother-in-law and his wife, who I actually consider my sister and brother, and their 5 kids came from the mountains of CO to see the play the boys were in. Then we were all invited to the ex-in-law's house for dinner. There have been some issues with the family lately, but really, it says a lot that we (including hubby) were welcome in their home. I thank God that despite stress and strains, we are still able to get along. I still have a great relationship with my brother and sister and we all enjoyed some great music as sis is a wonderful and unique musician.
Hubby and I have been developing some new relationships recently mostly through the churches we have been attending. We have started attending a small group for couples too and watched the movie "Fireproof." If you haven't seen that, you need to especially if you are married! We are enjoying all this.
Most of you have probably seen that I have become team captain for my office's Relay for Life team. I have also been trying to work more on my Avon business too. Guess what both of these things revolve around? While the obvious answer seems to be money, it really involves relationships. The relationships I have or have had with those who have been diagnosed with cancer is what really causes me to be involved in Relay to begin with. It's why I do it. Avon is similar. The cause may not be as noble, but I like the relationships I make with my customers and my downline.
Friday night I went to a friend's 40th birthday party with another friend. We discussed the people who were there and what kind of people would be at such a party we might have (this in NO WAY indicates I would like to have a 40th party later this year!). I think both of us felt we really do have a nice assortment of friends.
As you can see, my time has been quite full with all of this recently. Saturday, I actually had time to slow down and be lazy. I didn't leave my house all day. Yesterday we had a great day at church and in the evening my parents came over for dinner. So the weekend was relaxing and comfy and refreshing. As a result, today I feel full in a different way. I feel full of blessings. Looking back at all these relationships, I feel loved and am so thankful to God for all those I have relationships with.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Stretching the Valentine
I could have called this post "vegging for Valentines." We had the most restful weekend! Of course I ended up kind of paying for all that laying around and being lazy yesterday. Saturday we slept late, ate a big breakfast, and barely got around in time to go to my great uncle's 90th birthday party. The party was kind of a cool thing. All the kids went off to do their own thing and then hubby and I went driving around to 4 different stores to find crab legs so he could cook and we could enjoy the night at home alone. He ended up buying 5 lbs for the two of us and so we were completely stuffed! Crab and asaparagus is all we ate, but it was sooooooo good!
Sunday we went to 2 church services in the morning, then to dinner after the 2nd service with some friends, then to another get together my extended family had. Of course all that fun and visiting wore us out so we spent the evening laying around in front of the t.v.
Monday the kids did not have school and hubby got the day off, but I had to work. I woke in the morning thinking of the millions of things I had not done over the weekend which suddenly seemed rather urgent to get done in one day. After working til 3, I ran a bunch of errands and was busy all evening, but most things got done.
For Valentine's Day I got 2 pairs of beautiful earrings and a bracelet. The earrings are a little small so I made an impulsive decision to get a second piercing in each ear so I could wear those little earrings with other earrings I have. Since the subject was in our minds we asked daughter if she wanted her ears peirced and she said she did! So one of the things we did yesterday after work was to go and get ears pierced. LJ was good about it and went first, but she was a little whimpy afterwords. She almost threw up about 10 minutes after she was done. Now she says it hurts a little, but she is so proud and couldn't wait to go to school and show off her new earrings. Thus, I feel we stretched Valentine's Day out over about 3 days! Or shall I just count today too? :)
Sunday we went to 2 church services in the morning, then to dinner after the 2nd service with some friends, then to another get together my extended family had. Of course all that fun and visiting wore us out so we spent the evening laying around in front of the t.v.
Monday the kids did not have school and hubby got the day off, but I had to work. I woke in the morning thinking of the millions of things I had not done over the weekend which suddenly seemed rather urgent to get done in one day. After working til 3, I ran a bunch of errands and was busy all evening, but most things got done.
For Valentine's Day I got 2 pairs of beautiful earrings and a bracelet. The earrings are a little small so I made an impulsive decision to get a second piercing in each ear so I could wear those little earrings with other earrings I have. Since the subject was in our minds we asked daughter if she wanted her ears peirced and she said she did! So one of the things we did yesterday after work was to go and get ears pierced. LJ was good about it and went first, but she was a little whimpy afterwords. She almost threw up about 10 minutes after she was done. Now she says it hurts a little, but she is so proud and couldn't wait to go to school and show off her new earrings. Thus, I feel we stretched Valentine's Day out over about 3 days! Or shall I just count today too? :)
Monday, February 9, 2009
Processing
I have recently realized I have a lot of emotions I haven't dealt with completely. In my work as an MDT facilitator, I have to sit and listen to a whole bunch of personal and emotional stuff. But I don't get to say anything and mostly even prevent my face from showing a reaction. There are times I want to laugh out loud at what I hear and other times I want to beat my head, or someone else's, on the table. But, we are to be the neutral party so I have to stuff the feeling for a while and then vent later when I get to the office. Of course we never seem to share everything or get everything out, we have to learn how to just dismiss things without dealing with them.
It seems I'm doing somewhat the same thing in my personal life. Above all I try to remain calm and collected and deal with the feeling later. But sometimes I don't deal with the feelings the way I should. It seems life happens so fast, I don't always have time or take time to process what I've been feeling. I came to a point recently where I was asked how I felt about something and I said, honestly, I don't know. I never say that! That's not me!! Then I knew I had come to a point that I needed to deal with some past feelings so that I could get in touch and feel again.
I have begun the process of processing, and now it's like I broke the dam. The littlest thing starts me crying. If you are someone who sees me, do not be alarmed at this. I've actually warned my co-workers this could happen. Last week I had to deal with this in a serious way. It wasn't really something little that set me off, but I certainly over-reacted. The whole "critical" issue came up again. It led to me processing my own view of myself. Ever done that? It isn't easy! I believe I am really changing my own view of who I am and learning to accept that. My hubby again confirmed he does not want me to change, he loves me the way I am. If he loves me and God who made me loves me (I know HE does), then I should be able to love myself.
It seems I'm doing somewhat the same thing in my personal life. Above all I try to remain calm and collected and deal with the feeling later. But sometimes I don't deal with the feelings the way I should. It seems life happens so fast, I don't always have time or take time to process what I've been feeling. I came to a point recently where I was asked how I felt about something and I said, honestly, I don't know. I never say that! That's not me!! Then I knew I had come to a point that I needed to deal with some past feelings so that I could get in touch and feel again.
I have begun the process of processing, and now it's like I broke the dam. The littlest thing starts me crying. If you are someone who sees me, do not be alarmed at this. I've actually warned my co-workers this could happen. Last week I had to deal with this in a serious way. It wasn't really something little that set me off, but I certainly over-reacted. The whole "critical" issue came up again. It led to me processing my own view of myself. Ever done that? It isn't easy! I believe I am really changing my own view of who I am and learning to accept that. My hubby again confirmed he does not want me to change, he loves me the way I am. If he loves me and God who made me loves me (I know HE does), then I should be able to love myself.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Relay for Life
My boss has been chairperson of the Relay for Life here for several years. This year she is not chairperson, but decided we should have a team from our office. I was happy to hear that and participate, and I have even volunteered to be the team captain. Relay is all about raising money for the American Cancer Society, but it is really more than that for many people, it's an emotional experience as well. Today I attended the first meeting talking about the relay to be held in June. As I sat I thought about how cancer has touched my own life and I felt overwhelmed, surrounded by cancer. In the last year I have an aunt and an uncle who are battling cancer, a friend who has been fighting it off and on for several years, and a friend, the mother of my daughter's friend, who was recently diagnosed. A co-worker's wife has breast cancer and another person from our company has cancer as well. My mother is a breast cancer survivor. I have another aunt who is a survivor. My grandmother on my father's side had breast cancer. (I'm also at high risk!) My godmother died of cancer (possibly the first person I really knew with cancer). I may be forgetting others right now, but I've certainly named a lot.
I say all this to note the things that run through my mind from time to time and a topic I will be writing more about in the coming months. Of course you will also hear from me by e-mail requesting a donation! I don't even know that I can get down all the thoughts I have on this matter. I request prayer for those I mentioned who are currently fighting the cancer battle. I take hope from those who have survived!
I say all this to note the things that run through my mind from time to time and a topic I will be writing more about in the coming months. Of course you will also hear from me by e-mail requesting a donation! I don't even know that I can get down all the thoughts I have on this matter. I request prayer for those I mentioned who are currently fighting the cancer battle. I take hope from those who have survived!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
More changes
We've had a couple other big changes in our lives. First, we made a decision about a month ago to leave the church we were attending. That was a huge change as we, me especially, had been very involved in the church. I had been attending there for 3+ years. But hubby has not been happy there for a long time and I felt I wasn't growing and was starting to stagnate. There were some things we weren't so happy about and since I was on the board, I had tried to change a few things. But you can't make people change and the church apparently did not want to go the direction I/we did, so we decided to find somewhere more suited to what we want and need. The boys are staying in the church although I have a few concerns about that. Hubby, LJ, and I have been "church-hopping" for a few weeks now. We keep going back to Cheyenne Alliance and usually go to the early service there and then a different service at 11 or so. We are loving it! We are meeting new people and hearing great praise music and some good sermons too.
The other big change is hubby's job. Finally he left the frustrating negative atmosphere he had been in for almost 10 months. He thought he was going to be fired when they issued an ultimatum that was impossible for him to accomplish. He had been holding out and wanting them to fire him, rather than quitting, mostly because of the ability to collect unemployment. He felt they were trying to push him out for a long time. In the end it was considered a "mutual separation" and he got a nice severance package to carry us through the next month. Of course, my hubby being who he is, is not dependant on the severance package. He already started a new job as an electrician. He's going back to what he really loves to do and will soon have his journeyman's license back. He also has several side jobs lined up so we're not concerned about money. We do want to give credit where credit is due and tell everyone how wonderfully GOD has working things out for us. The situation was pretty crazy especially in the economy we have today, but we never worried. Ok, better change that, I never worried, because I know God will always provide and care for us. He wants what is best for us and when we ask, we receive!
One more change may be around the corner. Hubby's parents have been looking for a home in Cheyenne. They are both retired now and want to do a lot of travelling so want a house where someone can help watch and care for it during the months at a time they are gone. They've looked at a few places here, but interestingly enough the one they like the best is one we've been waiting to have on the market - it's right next door! I know not many people could live next to their parents or in-laws, but we are excited about it. It's not a situation like "Everybody Loves Raymond." We all love each other and get along and have talked many times about how we will try to be considerate of each other. We'll find out in the next few days if the deal will go through.
How's that for a new start to the new year? January sure has been packed!
The other big change is hubby's job. Finally he left the frustrating negative atmosphere he had been in for almost 10 months. He thought he was going to be fired when they issued an ultimatum that was impossible for him to accomplish. He had been holding out and wanting them to fire him, rather than quitting, mostly because of the ability to collect unemployment. He felt they were trying to push him out for a long time. In the end it was considered a "mutual separation" and he got a nice severance package to carry us through the next month. Of course, my hubby being who he is, is not dependant on the severance package. He already started a new job as an electrician. He's going back to what he really loves to do and will soon have his journeyman's license back. He also has several side jobs lined up so we're not concerned about money. We do want to give credit where credit is due and tell everyone how wonderfully GOD has working things out for us. The situation was pretty crazy especially in the economy we have today, but we never worried. Ok, better change that, I never worried, because I know God will always provide and care for us. He wants what is best for us and when we ask, we receive!
One more change may be around the corner. Hubby's parents have been looking for a home in Cheyenne. They are both retired now and want to do a lot of travelling so want a house where someone can help watch and care for it during the months at a time they are gone. They've looked at a few places here, but interestingly enough the one they like the best is one we've been waiting to have on the market - it's right next door! I know not many people could live next to their parents or in-laws, but we are excited about it. It's not a situation like "Everybody Loves Raymond." We all love each other and get along and have talked many times about how we will try to be considerate of each other. We'll find out in the next few days if the deal will go through.
How's that for a new start to the new year? January sure has been packed!
It's a Girl!
My hubby and I now officially have a child together! On Tuesday we had a "Ghost Hearing" where we went to the Courthouse and the judge signed adoption papers so my daughter now has the same last name as me and officially has a real, active daddy. We are so excited!! The real purpose of the hearing was to be sure no one would contest the adoption. We probably didn't even need to be there and after 10 minutes they were just going to have the judge sign in his chambers and go on with the court business for the day. But my daughter wanted to see the judge and hubby and I sort of wanted to just to make it more real. Our request was granted, and the judge made a short speech about how nice it was to have something positive to do rather than the negative he usually does. He says most cases are about things breaking apart and ours was about putting together. Hooray for us!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Work
Why haven't I been writing? What a week! I could explain it to you, but since it mostly revolves around my work, I think I maybe should explain that first. The company I work for, which has several offices in Wyoming, does basically 3 things that I could be involved in. We primarily contract with the Department of Family Services to do these things.
1. Supervised visits - this is what I've had very little participation in for a while now. This is when children have been removed from the home, but the parents still are allowed to have visits with the children. Our workers often transport the children to and from the visit and watch the interactions between parents and children. We are there as a safety, but unless safety is threatened, do not participate in the visit. We take notes on precisely what happens and report that back to DFS. I dislike that job because I cannot interact and it is sometimes hard to keep my mouth shut!
2. Family preservation - I am somewhat involved with this and this week was rather heavily involved. I am currently assigned to 2 families. One family has the children in the home and we were called in to help the mom create a budget, work on some parenting issues, and be sure stability is there. That case is about to be closed. My other family is a single mom whose daughter was removed from the home. We were called to work with the mom on financial and parenting issues to prepare her for her child coming home. We also transport the daughter to and from visits with the mom and currently stay with them during the visits. I really like this part of the job most of the time. It is sometimes frustrating, often time consuming, but usually in the end is satisfying as we see progress. Our goal is always stability for the children. We want to do everything possible to be sure they have a healthy, safe, stable home. We hope that is with their parents, but sometimes it is not.
3. Multi-Disciplinary Team meetings (MDTs) - I have been heavily involved in this area recently. I became involved in this area out of necessity in May of last year. When a child is involved in "the system" whether through a delinquency (they commit a crime), child protective services (abuse or neglect), or a CHINS (Child In Need of Supervision - when a child is having problems with school or at home and the parent or someone else asks for help) all people involved in caring for that child have meetings to discuss the case. Those involved are parents, social workers, therapists, school representatives, attorneys, and the District Attorney's office. We coordinate the meetings by scheduling them, notifying all parties when it will be held, directing the flow of the meeting (called facilitating), and then writing a report regarding the meeting. The main purpose of an MDT is to develop recommendations for the child. The report lists the recommendations and shows how those recommendations were developed and is distributed to all members of the team and the judge, who will make the final decisions regarding the child. I don't mind doing this part of the job, but it takes a lot of mental effort and we spend a lot of time in front of the computer - which is why I don't usually want to come home and sit in front of the computer more. We have to be quite meticulous especially in report writing. We have been training 2 new people to do this job and that's part of what has been stressful and frustrating and time consuming for me this week and in the past few weeks. We lost an employee in Sept. who was a major player in this area and since then my hours amost doubled. I am supposed to have my hours cut back to 25-30 when the new people are trained, but until we are sure they will work out, I'm still putting in a lot of time. I have been doing 6-7 MDTs per week, but this week I was involved in 10! Each MDT lasts 30 min. and they are scheduled back-to-back on Tue. and Wed. afternoon. But for a 30 min. meeting, I will spend 1 to 1 1/2 hours on the report process. You can see how my hours add up!
So that may be more than anyone wanted to know, but there's always confusion about what I do and it feels kind of good to actually write it out, in a nutshell, and see that I really do work hard! No wonder I'm tired. I think I'll go take a nap.
1. Supervised visits - this is what I've had very little participation in for a while now. This is when children have been removed from the home, but the parents still are allowed to have visits with the children. Our workers often transport the children to and from the visit and watch the interactions between parents and children. We are there as a safety, but unless safety is threatened, do not participate in the visit. We take notes on precisely what happens and report that back to DFS. I dislike that job because I cannot interact and it is sometimes hard to keep my mouth shut!
2. Family preservation - I am somewhat involved with this and this week was rather heavily involved. I am currently assigned to 2 families. One family has the children in the home and we were called in to help the mom create a budget, work on some parenting issues, and be sure stability is there. That case is about to be closed. My other family is a single mom whose daughter was removed from the home. We were called to work with the mom on financial and parenting issues to prepare her for her child coming home. We also transport the daughter to and from visits with the mom and currently stay with them during the visits. I really like this part of the job most of the time. It is sometimes frustrating, often time consuming, but usually in the end is satisfying as we see progress. Our goal is always stability for the children. We want to do everything possible to be sure they have a healthy, safe, stable home. We hope that is with their parents, but sometimes it is not.
3. Multi-Disciplinary Team meetings (MDTs) - I have been heavily involved in this area recently. I became involved in this area out of necessity in May of last year. When a child is involved in "the system" whether through a delinquency (they commit a crime), child protective services (abuse or neglect), or a CHINS (Child In Need of Supervision - when a child is having problems with school or at home and the parent or someone else asks for help) all people involved in caring for that child have meetings to discuss the case. Those involved are parents, social workers, therapists, school representatives, attorneys, and the District Attorney's office. We coordinate the meetings by scheduling them, notifying all parties when it will be held, directing the flow of the meeting (called facilitating), and then writing a report regarding the meeting. The main purpose of an MDT is to develop recommendations for the child. The report lists the recommendations and shows how those recommendations were developed and is distributed to all members of the team and the judge, who will make the final decisions regarding the child. I don't mind doing this part of the job, but it takes a lot of mental effort and we spend a lot of time in front of the computer - which is why I don't usually want to come home and sit in front of the computer more. We have to be quite meticulous especially in report writing. We have been training 2 new people to do this job and that's part of what has been stressful and frustrating and time consuming for me this week and in the past few weeks. We lost an employee in Sept. who was a major player in this area and since then my hours amost doubled. I am supposed to have my hours cut back to 25-30 when the new people are trained, but until we are sure they will work out, I'm still putting in a lot of time. I have been doing 6-7 MDTs per week, but this week I was involved in 10! Each MDT lasts 30 min. and they are scheduled back-to-back on Tue. and Wed. afternoon. But for a 30 min. meeting, I will spend 1 to 1 1/2 hours on the report process. You can see how my hours add up!
So that may be more than anyone wanted to know, but there's always confusion about what I do and it feels kind of good to actually write it out, in a nutshell, and see that I really do work hard! No wonder I'm tired. I think I'll go take a nap.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Sensitivity Alert
When I was a teenager, a boy from my church who was like my brother, told me I irritated him with my annoying voice. For the longest time after that, whether what he said was true or not, I had the idea I had a shrieking, annoying voice. It's funny how certain comments can affect us so significantly even if they are not true.
I was recently told I am critical. Ouch. Comments that followed referred to how I had tainted my husband and those comments I know to be completely untrue and unfounded. I more easily dismiss the following comments, but the critical one has made me sensitive. Me being me, I began to think about it and try to decide if it is true. As my reaction would indicate, I came to the conclusion I am analytical rather than critical. I look at situations and pick out the good as well as the bad. My boss pointed out I am solution-oriented - whenever I find a problem, I also find a solution. I try to balance a negative statement with one or more positive statements, but whenever possible, I try to only give positives. Critical is completely opposite of what I want to be and it hurt me deeply that anyone, especially this person, would see me that way.
I know people often forget the good and focus on the bad. If I gave 5 positive statements and 1 negative it would be the negative that would be remembered. My friend told me people, especially those who don't know me, may see the way I am as critical. She said if I am okay with how I am, then I must learn to be okay with how others see me because I will never be able to change everyone's opinion or get everyone to see me the same way. I explained to my hubby that if I cannot accept how others see me, I could work on changing how I am. My dear, sweet hubby gave me just the right response, which of course made me cry. He said don't try to change because some of us love you just the way you are. Now that is something I can accept!! So although I'm still sensitive to the idea of being critical, I guess everyone is stuck with me the way I am. Analytical or critical or however you want to see me.
I was recently told I am critical. Ouch. Comments that followed referred to how I had tainted my husband and those comments I know to be completely untrue and unfounded. I more easily dismiss the following comments, but the critical one has made me sensitive. Me being me, I began to think about it and try to decide if it is true. As my reaction would indicate, I came to the conclusion I am analytical rather than critical. I look at situations and pick out the good as well as the bad. My boss pointed out I am solution-oriented - whenever I find a problem, I also find a solution. I try to balance a negative statement with one or more positive statements, but whenever possible, I try to only give positives. Critical is completely opposite of what I want to be and it hurt me deeply that anyone, especially this person, would see me that way.
I know people often forget the good and focus on the bad. If I gave 5 positive statements and 1 negative it would be the negative that would be remembered. My friend told me people, especially those who don't know me, may see the way I am as critical. She said if I am okay with how I am, then I must learn to be okay with how others see me because I will never be able to change everyone's opinion or get everyone to see me the same way. I explained to my hubby that if I cannot accept how others see me, I could work on changing how I am. My dear, sweet hubby gave me just the right response, which of course made me cry. He said don't try to change because some of us love you just the way you are. Now that is something I can accept!! So although I'm still sensitive to the idea of being critical, I guess everyone is stuck with me the way I am. Analytical or critical or however you want to see me.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Holiday Bliss
We completely enjoyed our holiday celebrations. It was a little strange how hubby and I had to work around the holidays, but we both got Christmas, the day after, and New Year's Day off. Christmas Eve was spent with my family. For the first time ever I think, my brother-in-law joined us for dinner at my parents' house so both our families were there. This was special to all of us, but my mom especially felt having her whole family together was the best Christmas present. We enjoyed our traditional Swedish dishes of Lutefisk and Potato Bologne. On Christmas day we opened our presents at home and my parents joined us for that. Then we went to hubby's parent's house and my parents came too. We had a wonderful dinner and more presents. We were really tired from staying up too late the night before, but it was an enjoyable day. We stayed overnight there but my parents went on to Denver for their own special event the next day. I was finally able to finish up a book, "Three Little Words" in those two days. The book was very good and gave me a lot of insight into foster care and what the children I work with go through.
The worst gift I got for Christmas was the hives. I have never had them before and don't really know what caused them, but suspect a virus. I had a lot of itchy days between the two holidays.
New Year's Eve we had my parents over again and another family. We all enjoyed just "hanging out" and eating. We had shrimp galore, summer sausage, cheese and crackers, veggie tray, and a specialty dish from hubby's cajun background, Boudin. It is a spicy sort of sausage. New Year's day we spent watching movies and being total bums! It was great!! So, I guess 2009 is off to a good start.
Gifts
The kids were thrilled to see that Santa had brought them an air hockey table. A few days before Christmas JJ had said he should have added an air hockey table to his Christmas list. I think Santa must have already known! The stockings were filled with the children's favorite sour candy. They all got books, some gift cards, and LJ got jewelry and a box to put it in. I'm sure the best gift though was a Wii from Grandma B. Oh, I am thrilled with my jewelry, clothes, and the cash that will help us have a little getaway sometime soon. Hubby likes his finish nailer too. The grandparents got photo collages from us with pictures of all the kids. My sister had gotten an identical collage frame for my mom too filled with pictures of her kids.
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