Enjoy the end of the game

It's only been in the last few years that I have begun to watch and enjoy football. So pardon my ignorance and amazement and what I now see!

As I began watching football, it took a bit for me to be able to sit and watch the whole game. By the end of the game I was ready for it to be over. As we got down to the last 5 minutes or less, I would always be tempted to stop watching. If there was a big point spread I would often think, it's pretty clear who is going to win. I quickly learned how wrong that is. Everything can change in the last few minutes. This concept was renewed in my mind on Friday. I was tired and hungry near the end of the day and the end of the East/Central football game. In the last few minutes the score was East 21 and Central 7. I thought it's pretty clear East will win. Should I go home? A lot of people did go home. I stayed and in the end East did win, but Central scored one more touchdown so the game ended 21-14. I was glad I saw the end.

As I put together the group of 54 women to go to Women of Faith, I feel as if I am watching the last few minutes of a football game. It's 2 weeks to the conference. Tickets were paid for about 6 weeks ago. I thought I had it all figured out a few times. But then someone cancels and someone else wants to go. The game keeps changing! I'm not completely sure who the "winners" (those who go to the conference) are going to be. It has been my prayer all along that those who need to be there, will be; those who should win, will. I am just trying to enjoy the end of the game.

Doors

A week or two ago I was inspired by a friend's blog to start writing again. I found that I actually had a blog still even though it's been two years since I wrote on it. This morning I was asked if I have come to peace with the things of my past. Hmmm, interesting that when I look at my last blog post, that was the topic then. Have I come full circle?

I'm thinking now about the last two years. A lot has changed. Buying a business, moving along to accepting my oldest leaving home,and having my second child graduate. Those are probably the biggest things. Doesn't seem like I have time to process issues of the past. But I do feel like I am progressively moving forward.

I'm getting anxious to see what direction God has for me to go. I have felt a repeated call to ministry as has Mark, but I'm not sure what that really means right now. I've been praying for an open door to show me the right way. A friend said to me today she prays for closed doors. What a concept! When we continue to move forward and plan as if we are to do something, I think it's more obvious when a door closes. I think I will follow that advice and pray for closed doors.

Search for peace

My oldest went to visit his dad and was gone for two weeks. That may be what started the ball rolling. I was much more emotional than I expected to be about the visit after so many years of them not spending time together. I fully expected MJ to have a perfectly wonderful time in comparison to the dreary life that we live here. That's pretty much what happened and he came home talking about moving there. But that's another story . . .

Anyway, while he was visiting he told me about the bar-b-que with all the Pohnpeians there and the foods they were getting, which were some of my favorites from Pohnpei. I found myself being jealous. Jealous of MJ for getting to experience those things, jealous of his dad for providing such a good time with none of the responsibilities a parent has, and I believe there was some longing thrown in about what used to be. I had a talk with Hubby about the islands, it wasn't such a pleasant talk, but it made me realize I really need to put the past in the past. So often we embellish things in our memory and when we go back to see those places we dream of, they aren't really all that.

So there was all the feelings about the places I used to live and thoughts about the life I used to have and I wondered why I feel the way I do about the ex. A lot of it is that he was supposed to be my partner in raising children. Even if we weren't married. Now he's off living the lifestyle that I wanted to live and not helping me at all. He's got the good stuff. I went through the difficulties of getting the kids to this point and now when one is turning out pretty well, he's the one who gets to enjoy it. Okay, I know, it sounds petty and just very unlike me, but there it is.

And then there's Facebook. It has dredged up memories and made me think about people I haven't seen or heard from in 8 years or 20 years or more. I've thought about some of the relationships which have been damaged or lost. You think you're over something and then realize there's still some grief there.

I've decided somehow I need to come to peace with my past. I probably can't do it all at once, but somehow I need to start the process. I used Facebook to attempt to get in touch with one who I had a broken relationship with. Still haven't heard on that. I'm considering writing a letter to the ex, but don't know if it's the kind of letter I should actually send. I'm also reading my Bible and remembering that God forgave me (note past tense) for my failures and He has forgotten. I need to soak that in and not keep making myself feel guilty. Any other suggestions?

Household blessings

The past month has been pretty expensive. I broke a tooth and had to get a crown - $700. MJ's graduation and party. Vacation. Hubby's birthday. Those are the major things. Then summer is also a time to spend money with the kids having more free time and doing special things like swim lessons. We've also been in the house for a year now and there are several things that haven't been done yet or plans we had that I'm anxious to start working on. Of course all those things take money. We wanted to fix up our yard and do a little landscaping, still want to replace some carpet in the spare room and on the stairs, and we hope to remodel the kitchen. It's a matter of priorities and one thing I've been thinking about recently is our washing machine. About 6 months ago the washer, bought second hand, sprung a leak and flooded the basement. We had it fixed, but in the past couple months it's started leaking again so I'm just waiting for it to completely break again. I've been feeling a little concerned about all this combined, not because we don't have any or enough money, but I hate watching the savings that we've tried to build up, deplete so quickly. I trust God will always provide for us, but there's always the question of how He will do it.

Friday Hubby got the first paycheck with his raise on it! It is a $2 per hour raise so that's pretty good. He's still not quite up to where he used to be salary-wise, but he's so much happier with his job now and the raise helps us. Last week we also found out that someone from church who Hubby has been working for, is re-doing her kitchen and getting new appliances so wants to get rid of her current dishwasher. She will give it to us if we just haul it away for her! Our current dishwasher still works, but the knob is broken and we've thought we need a new one. The one we're being given also just happens to match the other appliances in our kitchen. Today my sister called me and explained their dryer isn't working as well as they like, it takes a long time to dry things, so they are getting a new washer dryer set and want to get rid of the old set. There is nothing wrong with the washer at all and Hubby thinks he may be able to fix up the dryer. Of course the washer is what we needed anyway. All of this in a week. Coincidence? I think not!

Yesterday we were straightening up the spare room to prepare for my younger step son to come tomorrow. It was discovered the dogs have been peeing in the room, probably due to an accident from a dog we were dog-sitting. Anyway, Hubby threw out the carpet section that was just laying on the pad, then tore up the pad. We worked on the room today and put a carpet we had somewhere else in the room and did a bunch of rearranging. It looks nice now, doesn't smell, and I'm happy with how it all turned out.

Overall, some really good things happened this weekend and I feel ready to start the new week.

Family Time

I have not taken the time to write for a long time and actually I'm not going to take a long time now. Two recent events are prominent in my mind and both would take pages to adequately describe.

First, on Memorial Day weekend we took a family vacation to South Dakota. It was awesome! It was beautiful, fun, relaxing, and we enjoyed getting away and being in each others' company. All of us enjoyed it. We stayed in Hot Springs where we went to a water park, visited a mammoth site, and played mini golf. We also drove to Custer State Park and Mount Rushmore. I don't know that it could have been much better!

This past weekend was graduation. I'm not sure I could find words to describe how I feel. It's been a mixture of pride, fear, relief, and sadness. We want our children to grow up, but then there's sadness when they do. MJ will not be moving away and will go to LCCC here for a while so that should lessen my sadness right? The day went very smoothly and we had a party after for MJ and his friend. It was a good day, but I think I'm still recovering from it all.

Love sick

For those who hate sappy stuff, I think you should stop reading now. But I do want to ask, why do people hate sappy, lovey-dovey expressions so much? I've had an issue with this since Hubby and I first got together. We are very affectionate toward each other. No matter where we are we don't hide it. I so often feel people are rolling their eyes at us and the comments from the children are endless. I do have to say we delight in grossing them out and sometimes pretend we're making out or something just to get a reaction! But why is it a bad thing to be in love and let people know it?

Yesterday was our second anniversary! I have to say I am so glad I listened to God and not the people who told me I was crazy. We have such a good relationship. I start thinking we're out of the honeymoon phase and then Hubby does something wonderful and I'm all twitterpated again. I wish everyone could experience what I have. I wish for you the feeling of love, peace, and joy. It doesn't mean there's never an issue or never any hurts or anger. Those things remind me we are still human and this isn't a dream. It makes it real when we can work through such things. I've recently began wondering if it has anything to do with previous failed marriages. I do think it makes me more attentive and determined to work things out.

So we had plans for the weekend. Kids were going to stay with grandparents and friends for Friday and Saturday nights. We were going to stay home and just enjoy time together. Well, we did that, but Hubby was sick. He woke up throwing up on Friday and that continued through the day. Saturday he was a little better, but still not up to par. We did go to Poor Richards for dinner Sat. night. The food was good, but that's about all the nice things I can say about it. In some regards the weekend was disappointing - it wasn't at all what I had expected. BUT we still had fun. We completely enjoyed just being together and we managed to have some fun too. (Only a deathbed would really stop us from all physical affection.) My hubby learned what was supposed to be given for each anniversary, and since the second is cotton (who thought that up?) he gave me new, nice cotton sheets. Without knowing the whole cotton thing, I got him clothes that were at least partly cotton. :) Yesterday he also sent me flowers at work.

Are you sick yet? The only sickness I want for my friends is love-sickness. Can you imagine the changes in the world if everyone was able to have the kind of relationship we have? Think about that and go kiss your spouse if you have one! For those who don't have a spouse - I'm praying for you.